Heatwave Humorist Gifts

American Heatwave: 'Hard-boiled again, Martha?'

"Oh, you know - wearing light clothing, drinking plenty of liquids, and avoiding strenuous activity."

Heat Wave.

"They complain that it's the hottest summer in a hundred years, but I say, No problem-o."

'Will somebody turn down the heating before we lose all of our applicants?!'

"Central air? I am so jealous!"

'You're sure a thirsty bunch.'

Indian summer.

Gatorade!

'I blame Al Gore and all his talk of global warming for this heat...'

"He says he needs somewhere hotter to work from."

Weather forecasts in the future.

"It's so hot. Wonder if we can get the Big Dipper to pour some water out on us."

Vine-Gripend Tomatoes

Intense summer sun

"It's so warm that I'm laying hard boiled eggs."

"I just feel hot, and I've started sweating a lot. . . can you give me something for that?"

Environmental Clues

Dog and cat in paddling pool.

'Is this the way to the beach?'

'I know that it's a hot day and that you've been on your feet all day, but get them out of that refrigerated display cabinet!'

'Can't stand the heat, go into the kitchen.'

'Tragically, all the king's horses and all the kings men couldn't put him back together again. And, in today's weather, it's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk out there!'

'No, you're not beating the hosepipe ban by hiring a helicopter to spray the garden.'

Ice cream sign melting in the heat.

'Don't they look silly?'

"Opening the window even a crack will end your life as a free man. Otherwise, it's safe."

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

You Know It's Hot When. . . Walking on the Grass Burns your Feet. . .

Patio Melt

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Global Warmer 2000.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.