Hearing Therapist Gifts

'No, Miss Smith... I asked if you could roll your R's.'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Dialogue

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"A haand gel...!?"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

What's the big surprise? All the latest theories of linguistics say we're born with the innate capacity for generating sentences.

"These meetings were a lot shorter before we invented compound sentences."

Monosyllabic Crisis Center

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

Tragedy! When the feeling's gone and you can't go on.

"There's nothing wrong with her. With e-mail, texting and tweeting, she just hasn't needed to learn to talk."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

Bernice Mountain Dog

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

Older lady to husband surrounded by dogs: 'Still getting feedback from your hearing aid?'

'No need to shout.'