Hearing Health Gifts

Older lady to husband surrounded by dogs: 'Still getting feedback from your hearing aid?'

"I said, you have a suppository in your ear so I think I know where your hearing aid is."

Old People Whisperer

'What?' - 'I said your hearing aid has slipped down you trouser.'

"Don't worry, with a hearing-aid, you'll be able to hear the farmer's whistles and shouts again..."

"You bet I always wear my hearing-aids! It's a question of survival: I need to be able to hear the predators coming..."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Your contents have shifted."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."