Hearing Health Gifts

Older lady to husband surrounded by dogs: 'Still getting feedback from your hearing aid?'

"I said, you have a suppository in your ear so I think I know where your hearing aid is."

Old People Whisperer

'What?' - 'I said your hearing aid has slipped down you trouser.'

"Don't worry, with a hearing-aid, you'll be able to hear the farmer's whistles and shouts again..."

"You bet I always wear my hearing-aids! It's a question of survival: I need to be able to hear the predators coming..."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Lactose Intolerant

'Well, well, well...'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients