Healthcare Humor Seekers Gifts

"I hope for your sake that my watch stopped!"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"I stand corrected."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"I don't leave home without it!"

The importance of paying attention in med school.

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

The GPC has written to ministers about how children can be more involved with the NHS

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Snap out of it.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'You need some stress.'