Healthcare Gag Collector Gifts

Jeff has a Case of the Squits.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

The magic of April Fools' morning.

"I'm in for observation."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"Bingo! Found it!"

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

"You must see someone about your problem."

Doctor consulting a textbook.

"It can cut through anything ... well, almost anything. There still is governmental red tape."

'That's why patients shouldn't be told certain things.'

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

"Don't worry. I'm doing someone's liver resection tomorrow and I'll grab one of their kidneys."

'Angiogram.'

Hospital. Does your foot fall asleep in that position? On the contrary, it was up all night.

Armadillo playing accordion.

"Oh, those aren't my diplomas – they're my medical malpractice attorney's."

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'You're really not in control of yourself!'

"Live life with enthusiasm. Be attentive and eager to please! Sleep only at night! ...and never scratch the furniture!"

'I'm going to exaggerate the seriousness of your illness...It'll make you feel better.'

Drunken Dis-orderly

'This milk smells funny.'