Health Store Clerk Pillows

"It's toxic but it's all natural toxic."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Would you like to try them out?"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

A man sitting in the grass reading

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

University Book Store.

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

How much would you take off for cash?

Which is the genetically modified corn?"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'..Can I interest you in our new fragrance - 'Are''

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

"Would you really want to read a book by a comedian that didn't have wide margins?"

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"