Drugstore Clerk Pillows

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Would you like to try them out?"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

A man sitting in the grass reading

University Book Store.

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Which is the genetically modified corn?"

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"