Health Store Visits Pillows

Homeopathy rip off

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

The practical psychopath

All Natural Nothing

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Hospital Departments

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Man with broken leg in cast.

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"So what brings you in today?"

Mistaken identity.

Man in radiation suit with 'Fresh Farm Produce'.

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

'You're eating too much roughage.'

Books 'n' Carrots

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

Second Opinion

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

Hypnotizing Women

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."