Shoe Store Clerk Pillows

"Would you like to try them out?"

Big Foot Locker

'No, it can't be my size, it's comfortable.'

'Now let's force these on for size,modom...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

Mister Pretty Shoes

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

'They're bound to hurt at first.'

We stock ALL sizes...

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

"Do you have a shoe for roaming and prowling?"

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

How much would you take off for cash?

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'For us, buying shoes is like buying one drink with two straws, hahaha!'

'I think they make my feet look too small.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."