Health Protocols Gifts

Danger Wet Surface

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

The new normal

AI Safety Officer

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"The following is a test of the fire-alarm system. It is only a test. Please ignore the intense heat and combustion."

Heathrow New Variants Arrivals Lounge

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

Break Glass in Case of Fire: Tiny Firemen.

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

'We don't want to interfere to much, just a couple of things...what you do and how you do it!'

Hospital say GPs will manage patients it has told doctors to discharge early.

Nurse cautioning a patient

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

A sign at a nuclear power plant - 'In case of emergency run!'

'Don't you think this school has way too many fire drills?'

'It's the new managements policy on how we persecute whistleblowers.'

'This is outrageous! I could go to prison for sending miners into an unsafe mine!'

'Do not be alarmed... this is only a drill!'

Acme Candles - In case of fire, break glass.

When I said bring protection, I meant a mask.

Staff Only

"Hazmat's been very good to me. But my first real love is still beekeeping."

Here's another shipload of old yellow cake uranium from Iraq. Let's get lost, quick!

New in fitness: Health club truancy officers.

"I'm not wearing any underwear."

Airline HQ. First we had to worry about planes that were not staying in the air. Now we have to worry about water droplets that are staying in the air.

"Yes you successfully removed the trip hazard, but with hindsight..."

'The health dept. takes a great leap forward.'