Health Protocols Pillows

Danger Wet Surface

The new normal

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

AI Safety Officer

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"The following is a test of the fire-alarm system. It is only a test. Please ignore the intense heat and combustion."

Heathrow New Variants Arrivals Lounge

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

Break Glass in Case of Fire: Tiny Firemen.

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

Nurse cautioning a patient

'We don't want to interfere to much, just a couple of things...what you do and how you do it!'

Hospital say GPs will manage patients it has told doctors to discharge early.

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

A sign at a nuclear power plant - 'In case of emergency run!'

'Don't you think this school has way too many fire drills?'

'This is outrageous! I could go to prison for sending miners into an unsafe mine!'

'It's the new managements policy on how we persecute whistleblowers.'

'Do not be alarmed... this is only a drill!'

"I'm not wearing any underwear."

'The health dept. takes a great leap forward.'

"Yes you successfully removed the trip hazard, but with hindsight..."

Start of the school year and politicians

New in fitness: Health club truancy officers.

Here's another shipload of old yellow cake uranium from Iraq. Let's get lost, quick!

"Hazmat's been very good to me. But my first real love is still beekeeping."

When I said bring protection, I meant a mask.

Acme Candles - In case of fire, break glass.

Staff Only