Hospital Protocol Buff Pillows

Nurse cautioning a patient

The new normal

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

AI Safety Officer

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

Man with arrow in back - "We're going to run some tests to see if it's psychosomatic."

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

Decontamination

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"The following is a test of the fire-alarm system. It is only a test. Please ignore the intense heat and combustion."

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'I know just how you feel.'

Celebration in operating theatre.

"Relax, I'm only hear to see my osteopath."

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

Fart Sample.

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

Hospital Cleaning.

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"Your D.N.A. test shows you're predisposed to sue doctors."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"I'm from Special Ops."

Moses does a Life jacket demo

"Now where was I?"

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'