Health Plan Selection Gifts

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Medicare: More is Better!

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'You'll never live to regret it!'

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

How the Obamacare exchanges will work.

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'

Cartoon about the high cost of health insurance.

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

"And, as a new employee, you are immediately entitled to participate in the company's proactive health plan."

'We're introducing a LARGE new dental plan.'

Doctor uses his stethoscope on the patient's wallet.

'All this cutting edge diagnostic imaging equipment and we still can't see through all of these new ACA requirements!'

"This medication may interact with paying your rent and being able to afford cable."

"Having a new patient with all your ailments, Mr. Shneeburg, is almost like winning the lottery."

'Honestly, all I'm looking for is a job with a better health insurance plan.'

"Stick out your tongue and your wallet."

'I'm supposed to check you vitals, so I'll need to know if you can pay.'

"This is about all I have in your price range."

Last Chance to Buy Health Insurance

"Williams, you're now eligible for the company dental plan. It's a proactive one-time total extraction event..."

"To keep our health insurance rates down, we now require employees to walk around in a sterile bubble."