Health Kick Gifts

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

Man with broken leg in cast.

"You're too sedentary."

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

'Vitamins A, B, C, D...Hey, Mom! - this cereal has all the recommended daily allowance of alphabet in it!'

So, have you had this 'human flu' yet?

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

Cuba detected a variant of HIV

"Can't talk now. Cramming for tomorrow's stress test."

Zika Mosquitos

Ebola Clinic

'What can you give me for my liver?' 'A pound of onions!'

"Well, put it this way - A semi-colon is better than a full stop."

'Bovine Growth Hormone.'

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

This guy smells like he just got the Covid vaccine. Do you think it's safe to bite him?

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

Vaccinating the Easter Bunny

'It's some sort of side effect of swine flu!'

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

'Gasp! Wheez! Nobody told me that once you have a heart you also need cardio!'

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'