Health Fund Survivor Gifts

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Evil Exams!

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

'Time for your pills.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

"Here, we realized it was not some awful fever dream."

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

Tax grab.

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

'Hold the Ferguson report. Ed's had enough information for the day.'

Jetsgo out of business.

'Because in this economy you make a few compromises for job security.'

'This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up.'

Coming out of the crisis

'Your 401 (K) went down the drain, but if it's any consolation, you can keep the commemorative cup.'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'