Health Food Experimenter Gifts

'To show support for Daddy's low cholesterol diet, we'll all be eating porridge for breakfast.'

"You can juice most things, but not a burger with fries!"

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"She's my hero. Life gave her lemons and she came up with pomegranate cranberry lemonade."

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

'I made it chocolate so it wouldn't show the dirt.'

Italian Style Fish 'n' Chips

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"We did it! Barbeque, bacon, cheese and just a twist of kale!"

Conversion of food products to petroleum substitutes - Conversion of petroleum products to food substitutes.

"Trust me, it tastes good – you won’t like it."

'I know it's daring, but I always try one new recipe for Thanksgiving dinner.'