Health Fanatic's Horror Gifts

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

Valleyview diet clinic

'Be careful...It may not be organic.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

I'll take this one here.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'It's radical but it just might work!'

Too Much SOY

Man passes a storefront that reads "Napland - Tired? Come on in and lie down for awhile!"

Food Uncertainty

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."