Health Nut Skeptic Gifts

Man holding container entitled 'Die supplement', with newspaper headline stating 'Vitamin & mineral health risks'.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

Gullib-Os

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"