Health-conscious Techie Gifts

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Is this still America?'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I'm sorry I bumped you, honey. Hello, tech support, I have a farmer in the Dell!"

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"The good news is a major company has noticed our website. The bad news is they're accusing us of copyright infringement."

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

'More versatile than you think - the building is made of tofu.'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

"The computers are down, so I can't 'search' your symptoms at the moment."

'This less-weight app is great! It suggested I lie my mobile down on the scale instead of stepping on it myself and look - less-weight!'

I think the doctor will agree with me on this, Sir, you have Elephantitis!

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

The Cancer Risk of Processed Meat

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.

Bush Air Conditioning

The Sperm and the Germ

'An ounce of prevention is worth a substantial discount on your premiums.'

'What I thought was good cholesterol turned out to be bad cholesterol, but fortunately what I thought was bad cholesterol, turned out to be good cholesterol.'