Tech-savvy Health Enthusiast Gifts

'If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

"I am referring you to some alternative medicine..."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."

'How much eating time do I have left?'

'This less-weight app is great! It suggested I lie my mobile down on the scale instead of stepping on it myself and look - less-weight!'

'I'm downloading an exercise manual.'

I think the doctor will agree with me on this, Sir, you have Elephantitis!

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

"The computers are down, so I can't 'search' your symptoms at the moment."

'This is our low cal, low cholesterol, low fat model.'

Sara M. Decided for once not to check Web MD

Health Shop: 'Got anything more exciting?' 'Sure, under the counter we've got beefburgers and chips...and cream cakes!'

"My fitness tracker has 3 motivation modes: gentle scolding, threats, and electroshock."