Diet-conscious Techie Gifts

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

All Natural Nothing

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"Phyllis, this isn�t my laptop..."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"Eat lots of carrots."

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

Thin and thick

Diet Sugar House.

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"Your diet's fine, but maybe cut back on the seeds."

Group Insurance/Vitamins

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

'Look! The health food shop has been hit by the recession.'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'NOW you tell me you're a VEGETARIAN!'

Man telephoning head waiter 'We're ready to order.'

Mosquito Worry About Saturated Fats

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"Sorry, I only weigh one person at a time."

"Have a banana."

What's the special tonight? I dunno. Check our website.

"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."

Health Shops

'Hey, that's interesting! Here it reads: 'We lived in the land where milk and honey flow. Then we died out because of vitamin deficiency'!'

''Light' beer bottles. Somewhere there's a slob on a diet.'

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

I think the doctor will agree with me on this, Sir, you have Elephantitis!

"No . . . erasing food-search-apps from your browser history doesn't count as dieting."

"I don't care if it's a placebo or the real thing. I just want something you take with food."

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.

'The company health adviser told me how bad sugar is. That's why I drink my coffee with broccoli.'