Health-conscious Reader Gifts

The Spreaders

"I can't read any ingredients. Is it all natural?"

'That does it! I have to quit smoking!'

Patrons are reading 'How to have sex and not die'.

But is it organic?

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Running

Wash your hands

'Diet considerations.'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Flash Cuisine

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Trade you lunches?'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

Stop smoking,instantly.

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'Is it organic?'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

Complex Carbs

Spring.

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'