Health-conscious Diner In Denial Gifts

Joe's Natural Foods...steak 'n' tators.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

Fast Food Dieter

"He's a fussy eater."

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

I recommend the ketchup.

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

'Never trust a sommelier with a 750ml tastevin.'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"Same weight as you were in high school, great....now put the other foot on the scale too!"

'I hate to tell you this...but you're going to have to give up red meat.'

For Your Dining Pleasure

'Can I send this back? Somehow a hair got in my soup.'

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

"Hmmmmm -- Choices, choices..."

Fast food

'Separate cheques?'

"For what we are about to receive, let it not contain any mad cow disease..."