Health-conscious Diner In Denial Gifts

Joe's Natural Foods...steak 'n' tators.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

Fast Food Dieter

"He's a fussy eater."

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

I recommend the ketchup.

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Never trust a sommelier with a 750ml tastevin.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"More wine?"

"Same weight as you were in high school, great....now put the other foot on the scale too!"

'I hate to tell you this...but you're going to have to give up red meat.'

For Your Dining Pleasure

"Hmmmmm -- Choices, choices..."

Fast food

Burger Shack. I'm trying to go vegan, but I still sneak away for an occasional burger. You need a little "meat time"!

'Can I send this back? Somehow a hair got in my soup.'

"Do you have a lean cuisine, waiter?"

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

'Separate cheques?'