Health Blog Reader Gifts

"Actually I feel great but I read on the coronavirus blog that that might just be a symptom."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Is this still America?'

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

'While these products may not result in weight loss, they will result in credibility loss.'

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

"Pavlov's Blog."

'Whales record their life events in their earwax.'

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

The Diabetic Hummingbird Feeder

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

"We saw a movie about mononucleosis in health class. It was called, 'Germs of Endearment.'"

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"NO SMOKING PILL"

If at first you don't succeed, call your malpractice insurance company.

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

"I can't read any ingredients. Is it all natural?"

The Spreaders

"My complaint is RARE? - y'mean none of my friends have it?"

"Stop complaining. If you hadn't spent all day in a donut shop you wouldn't have to lose 3.5 stones so we could lift off."

They finally decided to listen to what the potato chip had to say.

Patrons are reading 'How to have sex and not die'.