Health Blogger Gifts

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

All Natural Nothing

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

Your lobster was off!

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Corona Funeral

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."