Health Alarmist Gifts

Excuse me luv, do you know what's happened to all my 'stuff'?

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Zika Epidemic

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

GPs warn against New Year 'fad diets.'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

"The dollar is falling!"

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Alarm clock.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"The end of the world is nigh."

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

Public Enemy #1: Coronavirus Panic

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

'Get back! Get back! Or so help me...I'll eat it!'

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

'You're fine.'

'And when you taught my client to fish, instead of giving him one, did you ever stop to consider that he might be allergic to seafood!'

'You have hypochondria... are you allergic to placebo?'

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.

"You know what's about to happen and you still got in the car. But yet I'm called the dummy."

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

'It doesn't matter what pills you give me, whatever they're for, I'm sure to have it...'

My doctor says my heart is fragile. I'm supposed to cut down on my activism. You mean activity? Activism. He says that getting upset about idiotic, right-wing, greedy jerks is bad for my heart. He's a quack! This ends badly.

St Ninian, patron saint of hypochondriacs

'I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you... You're a hypochondriac.' 'Gasp! I knew it.'