Headline Hustlers Gifts

'Same old, same old.'

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

Newspaper suicide.

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Freedom of the press

News for Sale

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

The Expert

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

'How fast can you hype?'

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Big Newspaper Delivery

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

The Real American Dream

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

The Daily Fury

Newspaper

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"!