Hazardous Hilarity Seeker Gifts

Laboratories - Contaminate Biologicals/Hazardous Material/Radioactive Waste/Mutant Organisms.

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

No one knew it, but Gerald was about to execute what he called 'The Move.'"

'You forgot the product label.'

'I'm new here...how can you tell the real 'Elvis' from the impersonators?'

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

"Good?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'Now see here! My name is Thomson and THAT is my gazelle!!'

"Seriously, Ice-Skating? You want to try out Ice-Skating?!"

Atomic Bear: Part 28

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

Heavenly Take Out

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

'Don't be a hero, Dewey! It's a snowboarder - and he's huge! Let's get out of here!!'

'My investment advice is to relax, stop and smell the roses, dig up the roses, bury a million dollars beneath the roses.'

"I really got burned by my last advisor. He told me NOT to quit my day job..."

'I'm sorry, but you missed too many easy layups.'

What should I do? I was answering a prayer and accidentally clicked "reply all."

"Police. Nobody move or groove."

'Your accountant is insisting you return...something about dying inefficiently!'

John Dryden

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

'But Mum, I don't want to go inside to hibernate: I'm not even tired...'