Haystack Humorist Pillows

Hay fever??

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I said slime."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Ed's receding hairline!

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'Sheep striptease'.

'He's wearing a toupee.'

Bald Man Overcomb

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."