Hair-raising Humorist Pillows

'Whatever you do, don't offer an extended warranty on that nose-hair trimmer.'

"How embarrassing! Tia Carmen thinks Gracie and I look alike. We'll see about that!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Beware of the Dog Hair.

"I actually had this haircut before I became a mom."

Not you. Your hair.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"With strong winds battering the country, the Met Office have issued an amber wig wearers warning."

Ed's receding hairline!

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Professor of Fuzzy Logic.

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

Easter Island Tours. Theories differ. Ernie believes they were used to display a selection of giant wigs.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Operation Chrome Dome.

'He's wearing a toupee.'