Hair-defying Humorist Pillows

"You, sir, should be grateful to find a hair in your soup."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'Wow, talk about shedding!'

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Beware of the Dog Hair.

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"How about a hand."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Ed's receding hairline!

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'