Hair-defying Humorist Gifts

"You, sir, should be grateful to find a hair in your soup."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

Glance Exchange

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'Wow, talk about shedding!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Beware of the Dog Hair.

"How about a hand."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"It's just a tree."

Not you. Your hair.

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I cross the road to forget."

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Ed's receding hairline!