Hair-raising Raconteur Pillows

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Non Thought For The Day.

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

William Tell Overture

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"What does he know, and how long will he know it?"

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Max Beerbohm

Oscar Wilde

'Let me take you away from all this — I know a much better bar across the street.'

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

"Tell me again about those twelve mile hikes you were on in the military."

'I thought I gave you money to get your hair cut?'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

Liar's Club fish

Man with Sex Reviews.

'The male pattern baldness is genetic, but your dense lower back hair appears to be a gypsy curse.'

'Hey - you groomin' my kid?'

"Your Honor, I ask you – is this the toupee of a successful adulterer?"

The less you know

With Hunting Season comes Storytelling Season.

"I can't remember the last time I ran my fingers through your hair."

I think my diet is TOO high in fiber.

"You, sir, should be grateful to find a hair in your soup."

'I'll scream if one more person claps when I tell them how old I am.'

'Whatever you do, don't offer an extended warranty on that nose-hair trimmer.'

The Elephant Man makes his move.

'I've got a suit for every day of the year - this is it.'

"How embarrassing! Tia Carmen thinks Gracie and I look alike. We'll see about that!"