Haystack Humorist Gifts

Hay fever??

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I said slime."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Not you. Your hair.

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Ed's receding hairline!

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

'Sheep striptease'.

Bald Man Overcomb