Haystack Hilarity Gifts

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

A horse and cart metamorphosing into a snail.

'That still doesn't make you a big fish!'

'Since we were first married, I vowed I'd never let Jim see me slopping around in the mornings with my hair in curlers!'

"You planted only beans and corn last year, right Herman...?"

'So where are you going?'

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

"I'm a working dog, and the IRS never lets me forget it."

'Oh my lord, they've turned into pillows!'

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

'MILK ME!'

"It's just swill Doris, just swill..."

"My son is failing out of medical school, so to help him get extra credit, I'm allowing him to operate on you."

"It's worse than you think, doctor - his dad's supper is in there."

'Hey - you groomin' my kid?'

'The male pattern baldness is genetic, but your dense lower back hair appears to be a gypsy curse.'

'I see you've been calling a lot for that pretty night nurse again!'

"They cured me - then again, I don't have as many preexisting conditions."

'We don't have a treadmill, so the stress test here is waiting two hours to see a doctor.'

Man swearing as he falls down the 'Blue Run' ski slope