Having A Toddler Gifts

'Normally I'd be strongly opposed to a womanh your age electing a permanent birth control option...but in your case-'

Tantrum

"Why didn't you think of that while you were sitting on the potty with the water running?"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

A young Don King

Swan Fairy Tales

"He likes it."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

The No No No's

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Baby vandalizes an art gallery.

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

Mother Goose Timeshare

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

The unforgiving tree

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Milk sideburns

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"