Having A Toddler Pillows

'Normally I'd be strongly opposed to a womanh your age electing a permanent birth control option...but in your case-'

Tantrum

"Why didn't you think of that while you were sitting on the potty with the water running?"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

A young Don King

"He likes it."

Swan Fairy Tales

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

The No No No's

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

Baby vandalizes an art gallery.

Mother Goose Timeshare

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

The unforgiving tree

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Milk sideburns

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'