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Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"Gigot de sept heures."

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

'I don't eat red meat. That's ok, this is gone green.'

A tureen of chefs

'The escargots are underdone.'

Chefs-R-Us

'What on earth is this? Hedgehog soup.'

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

"Nice going, Larry. They're going in after your liverwurst and sardine sandwich that fell behind the fridge last month."

French man holding a dish.

"Our chef specializes in atomic gastronomy."

'O.K. Smarty Pants, here's your fish, cheese, egg, strawberry jam and pickle sandwich with a topping of ice cream and mustard. Pay up!'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

"So nice to see things 'a la financiere' again."

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

'More French bread, sir?.'

Hand coming out of chandelier pulls cover off waiter's food.

'Two plates of regurgitated worms?'

Master Chef

"Oh boy! My favorite! Squirrel cake!"

"So - we'll go for Bouillabaisse then, shall we?"

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

"I wanted to eat like the French... so I am having a burger with bearnaise sauce."

Obscene Hollywood phone call

The latest fall fashion trends

'Welcome monsieur et madame, may I take your coats, gloves and savings?'

'I'll try the turkey, with chestnut and penicillin stuffing.'