Haute Cuisine Experimenter T-Shirts

"It's nouvelle cuisine sir, so you'll need a magnifying glass..."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

Your lobster was off!

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Lockdown casserole

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'Mom! Dad's eating my science fair project!'

Tzatzikicicle

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'