Haute Cuisine Experimenter T-Shirts

"It's nouvelle cuisine sir, so you'll need a magnifying glass..."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Your lobster was off!

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Lockdown casserole

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

'Mom! Dad's eating my science fair project!'

Tzatzikicicle

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'