Haute Cuisine Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

Try our frogs' legs.

'We're out of orange, M'sieur -- how about duck a la ketchup?'

'Welcome monsieur et madame, may I take your coats, gloves and savings?'

Haute Suture

'I think I'll go home and eat'

A Macaroni in 1772

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Vivienne Westwood

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'The escargots are underdone.'

Chefs-R-Us

Inappropriate garnish.

"Our chef specializes in atomic gastronomy."

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

'Gautier goes to Mothercare.'

"Here's our everything's included meal kit. How do they stuff a cook and dishwasher in there?"

'Do you want me to serve you with a French accent or in just plain English?'

'I don't know what I ordered, but I think it's going to be good!'

Hand coming out of chandelier pulls cover off waiter's food.

“It's his first hibachi.”

Master Chef

Skinny model in wardrobe - 'Clothes hang better on skinny models.'

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

Quark soup

'You think ideas are contained in food?'

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

I love French.

'We have to put up with a fair bit to find these truffles, but we think they're worth it.'

"The chef would like to thank you for filling in the questionnaire and after watching you on our CCTV, he has these comments for you: You all chose the wrong wine and cutlery with your food and...'"

A Scene at the Lucullus.

"I'll have the filet mignon aux legumes et fruit d'hiver, with extra cheese."