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"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"This place looks fun!"

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

Dead Funny

Open House of Horrors

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

Welcome Ghost.

Sir Conrad Murgatroyd

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'I really got to stop watching paranormal movies before bed!'

The Day When The Curse Of The Mummy Lost It's Horror. . .

Born of the Dead

"I think it's a subpoena!"

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

"Really? You mean you’ve never smoked a joint?"

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

'Meet the Ghost Writer.'

The Vampire's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with small Coffins attached

Monster Realtor

"Is there anybody there?"

"Forget it, Lenny. He's on the 'Do-not-Haunt' list."

Headless Horserider uses a computer

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

Halloween in Bath

"Go as a witch. Your room hasn't seen a broom in months."

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"It's suppose to be tomato juice! That's how you make a Bloody Mary!"

Orange House of Horrors

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"