Harmonic Hound Gifts

'You're howling off key again!'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

News and Magazines. Tax Bill Debate. The trickle-down can never compete with siphon-up.

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

"Consider yourself chased."

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Hair of the dog spots: christmas jumper

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'Heel.'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Johann Sebastian Bark.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Canine Scent-ipede

Bingo's Time Out - Part Four

"And yet, I too am a still life."

"They're remaking the old 'Dracula' film again..."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

'I knew him before he became a police dog!'

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

Musical arrows.

'Why good dogs go bad.'

'I'd say it's a fungal infection.'