Hardware Store Regular Gifts

"It's not just your bathroom light. It lasts 20 years. It's your eternal flame!"

Sale! Weed Whackers

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

Witch Hardware

Hardware. You're right, maybe we should sell hammers by the "pound."

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

'Computers' 'Hardware' 'Software'

Men's Prayer Group.

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

Record department with rock, crossover and classical sections.

"So long, Mr Schwartz. I'm leaving. Nowadays, software's where it's at."

Bob's DIY Store

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

'Do you have any duck tape?'

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

"Alfresco Plumbing & Hardware Supplies"

'I love Brahms' 2nd Symphony in A minor, especially the part where it pauses and the voice says, 'Please hold for the next available broker'.'

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

Stud Finders: 'These don't even work!'

Ironmongers

Hardware Store. Do you have any fans? No, I'm not all that popular.

Pork Lift

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

"Excuse me, but you're standing in the way of progressive."

'Oh, we're just here so Rusty can shop around for a new fence to dig under.'

'It covers well enough, but I found the recommended drying time to be completely inadequate.'

"What a rip-off."