Hardware Humor Gifts

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Darn autocorrect!"

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"You are still here."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

'Trust me. Those shells have always been wireless.'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

Robot Robber

"Re-calculating, arrive at your final destination in six...five...four..."

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

21st century Safe Sex - protecting against face-recognition software.

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'