Modern Tech Humor Gifts

'Every time I step on the scale Alexa uses my weight for the joke of the day.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Darn autocorrect!"

"You are still here."

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

Computers. Tablets. Laptops. The model is entirely voice-activated. I've always wanted to tell a computer "off."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

Social network site runs into trouble.

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.