Modern Tech Humor Pillows

'Every time I step on the scale Alexa uses my weight for the joke of the day.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Darn autocorrect!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"You are still here."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"I just installed a home security monitor."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

Social network site runs into trouble.

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"