Harbor Inspector Gifts

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'I found the termites!'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'Slip Ahoy!'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

'The roof needs icing.'

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

"Homes on Holmes"

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

Fire door.

"I'm going in."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'You forgot the product label.'

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."