Hand-me-down Historian Pillows

Style

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Archimedes statue with a lever

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Dog History

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

Famous Pieces of Paper

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

Clearing up medals.

'I never rule out any negotiating tool!'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

Bullsheviks.

Useless-memory lane

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

Cat scratch fever

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"