Hand-me-down Historian T-Shirts

Style

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Archimedes statue with a lever

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Dog History

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

Famous Pieces of Paper

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

Clearing up medals.

'I never rule out any negotiating tool!'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

Bullsheviks.

Useless-memory lane

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

Cat scratch fever

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"