Hand-me-down Historian Gifts

Style

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

Archimedes statue with a lever

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Dog History

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

Famous Pieces of Paper

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

'I never rule out any negotiating tool!'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Clearing up medals.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

Bullsheviks.

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

Useless-memory lane

Cat scratch fever

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

A man searching an Egyptian tomb finds a Shriner hat and car.